Toughest Job In The World

Today is International Women's Day, and to be very honest with you, I only found out about it today through browsing Facebook. I never ever thought about celebrating the fact that I am a woman and if I have to, perhaps I'd like to also dedicate this day to my mother. My mother, she failed, she failed miserably just as I fail miserably so often while trying to raise kids. I was mad at her for those so call failures, that I finally get a slight taste of what it was like for her as in for me now with my own kids. And because of that, I have learned to humble myself, learn from my faults and start to appreciate her more. It's a tough job being a mother. 

I remembered feeling disappointed and upset having to quit my design job so that I can look after Chester and become a stay-at-home mom. It was never something I wanted to do but I had to do it or no one else will. I started slipping into this low self-esteem mode since I am basically most comfortable in either my pyjamas, sweat pants or jeans with large tee shirts. I have become so momsie that I can hardly even recognize myself in the mirror at times. I am still feeling that way but because I am wearing my mom's beautiful sweater today, I feel a lot better. Also, I wasn't able to put on lipstick for mourning period and today I finally get to put on some colours to my lips. 

Trying to rock this 2018 curtain bangs look just coz I am desperately trying to grow out my bangs

My mom always tell me I am doing such a great job raising my kids as compared to her but I'd tell her they seem good now but you never know how they will grow up to be like in the future. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I have no clue how these two kids will do in life and I don't want to live with expectations. All I know is that I do what I can today and let tomorrow be. While even as I know that is exactly what I should do, somedays I get it together, somedays I just feel like I am losing my bearings with them. It is so hard to know what you should do but not being able to do it. I get so much more grey hair ever since Chester turned 10 months old or so and Scarlett starting her mood swings. 

Then yesterday evening, I brought them down for their usual "fun time", I found myself grinning like Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland while watching them. I looked up to the sky and thought to Big Guy, "So this is it huh? This short glimpse of joy seeing them both now and every once in awhile, and the rest will be pure hard work? Okay, I will take it." Sometimes, you need bad things to happen like losing a job to bring about the good into your life like becoming a stay-at-home mom. As cliche as it sounds, I am totally feeling it. Sometimes God allows bad things to happen to you and it is all up to you to decide how you want to continue that journey and make it great for yourself. After struggling for the first few months being a stay-at-home mom, I am finally feeling a lot more comfortable in my mom suit now. 

Euphoria!

 Picked flowers from the ground for me

My friend told me today that time is the best gift for children. Time allows them to show us how they can slowly progress. Chester sure did progress a lot since he turned two. I started toilet training him when he was a few months old and he was then this little blob letting me do what I want to do to him. As he got older, he refused to sit on the toilet seat and I stopped. I started it again lately over a period of time, from him crying when I put him on the potty to today, he is finally willing to sit on the potty for longer period (with the help of a book, some moms told me they used TV). Even though he had already pooped in his diapers, still, I let him sit on the potty and told him he can let me know earlier tomorrow so he can try do it in the potty. 

What's the Time Maisy? It's POO POO Time!!!

The whole city has been covered by this really bad fog for a few days, the rain today has cleared up the sky. We get a pretty good view tonight from our balcony. I stood there and Allan came up and hugged me from behind, rubbing my belly. 

Me: I think I will update my blog tonight.

Him: I thought you said you wanted to get rid of this (rubbing my belly)

Me: No. I don't care about it. That belly got stretched by your two beautiful kids. It's part of the package from motherhood. Do you have a problem with it? 

Him: No. I just want you to be happy.

Me: I am. Just let me be. 

And we both laughed.

Embracing my mom suit. Even if Allan does mind the belly, I don't care. He is the last person on earth that can actually make me feel lousy about my body, which is why I married him in the first place. 

Ending this post with a blur photo of my kids running away from me. That day will come when my vision will be as bad as this photo, my kids may be a little further away from me to lead their lives and I will always cherish what I have right now with them.

The toughest job in the world is not being a mother. It is being a woman. Being a woman who has to make all the tough choices in their lives and live it, be it married, single, have kids, no kids, career women/moms, stay-at-home moms etc. It is something really worth celebrating.

Happy International Women's Day.