Identity

The heat is kind of bad today. So the kids get to do bubble bath. The duck bath book belongs to Scarlett. Can you imagine we kept this book for almost a decade and now it is put to good use again. I told Scarlett the window of time she gets to do bubble bath with Chester is going to be very short, she has to treasure these moments now. It is also a reminder for me too that my kids are going to grow up everyday, without stopping. 

It is fine and my heart is at all times at the right place when it comes to them. I have not squandered my time with them. Not even a day. I give my all and still am giving, at the expense of not even looking at what I can achieve or do for myself in terms of my career. I sweep myself to the side and put them first, but that is simply my choice. I am not saying other career moms are not doing their best. We all make different choices in life.

I cherish all these moments and I know when they grow up, I can tell myself, I have done it and I won't look back with regrets. Nevertheless, I won't lie about my fear now, that my daughter may one day think I am no longer smart enough for her because I have been stuck at home raising her and her brother and has accomplished nothing for myself. And my son too. 

Still, today, this is my choice, and I will have to face the consequences of the future. I'd like to believe that when the time come, I will have such wisdom to not even be bothered about how they think about me. I'd like to think that I will be this chill old lady who doesn't give a hoot about accomplishments, achievements and all that stuff to define my identity. I am me. I am their mother. Period.